Grace Like An Ocean

goodbyes.

Saying goodbye is never easy. In fact, I’m pretty sure there’s no good way to say it. How do you do it? How do you say goodbye? I’ve never been good with them. I can’t handle the thought of what it entails. Goodbye in my mind is the equivalent of forever, infinity, always. And how do you tell someone you love goodbye? Goodbye for forever.

I was thinking that if you love someone enough, you’d be able to let them go. Let them go find who they are, find their happiness, live their lives even if it’s without you. I’m finding that that’s really difficult. I love people with all my heart. I love SO much. I care SO much. And the thought of just letting someone go to forget and create a new life without me is terrifying and heartbreaking. Because the people I love I can’t imagine living without.

But I love them too much to hold them back. And I won’t let them know I’m hurting because that’s an injustice to them. People always have a funny way of coming back to you; whether in memory or in a song or a laugh or a smile. So I let them go to be all that God’s created them to be. I love them all the while, and pray that they won’t forget me. I pray that they know that I love them. I pray that they’ll keep in touch. I pray that they know to come to me if they ever need someone.

People leave marks on your life. Those marks change us. They mold us. They show us how fast time flies. They change the way we view the world and how we treat others. They allow us to savor the moment for all that it’s worth. People teach us to love and be loved in return. Isn’t that the root of it all anyway, love?

Junior Year Post.

I’m so ready for summer. But at the same time this year has been so great, I just don’t want it to end. These have been some of the best times of my life. I learned so much about myself, other people, and life. And I wouldn’t give that up for anything.
I’ve discovered that letting go is part of life. And that even if someone doesn’t act like they love you or live up to their words, I still need to love them because that’s what God does for me. I’ve come to the conclusion that people will hurt me, but forgiveness is all about a choice and making that choice continually. It’s not about what that person offers you, but loving them simply because they’re a child of God. I learned what it meant to be a friend to someone. I learned what it meant to feel completely differently about someone and still be okay with that. I learned how to love people. And even if I still struggle with how I treat my closest friends, I try to love them the way the Bible tells me to.
Life dealt me a pretty crappy end of the year. The last five months have been pure hell for me. And in a lot of ways I wish I could take back some of the stuff I’ve done. I would spend more time with my family and love others better. But I’ve learned that God is faithful. Always. God is good. Jesus is enough. He is better.
I don’t know how to say goodbye. I am going to miss the friends I’ve made so much it hurts. But I know they have their lives to live, and they’ll be fantastic at whatever they do. It’s pretty crazy to think that the year has gone by so fast. And it’s all coming to an end faster than I planned. It’s weird to think I won’t see faces everyday or talk to them about stupid stuff. Like school, boys, sports, faith, family, futures.
If I could put a label on this year though, it’s: God is faithful. God is good. Jesus is better. Jesus is enough. JESUS IS MORE.